The Dragon Dungeon
by PearlGirl
Summary: This a story about the Harry Potter characters, but it has the plot of Lemony Snicket. Don't read this story! It's mournful, melancholy, and morose, which here means "Full of woe." This is about the tragic lives of the Potter orphans.
1. Chapter One

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Lemony Snicket's plot or J. K Rowling's characters. Please don't read this story! It's so full of woe, you will be crying as hard as I am as I write it!

Book the Second

**THE DRAGON DUNGEON**

By Remus Lupin

**Chapter One**

There is a stretch of road that leads out of the city, past Hazy Harbor and into the town of Mediocrity. This perhaps is the most unpleasant road in the entire world. Its name is Stinky Street. Stinky Street runs through many untended, rotting cornfields and traverses the Stinky Stream, a body of water that is 99.9 pollution and contains mutant fish. The street also encircles a garlic factory, and the fumes are wafted through car windows as they pass.

I'm sorry to tell you that this road was one and the same as the road the Potter orphans were currently driving on. Mr. Fudge had gotten a ministry car for them to ride in, and he had left the windows open, apparently unaware that this was the reason their car smelled so strongly of garlic.

I must tell you that if you have opened this book in the hope of finding a story where children live happily ever after, you should read something else. Because Harry, Hermione and Ron, sitting in the car and trying to hold their breaths against the smell, were soon going to have much more to worry about then a simple smell. This car ride is beginning a sequence of tragic events that brings a tear to my eye.

"I apologize," Mr. Fudge said, "For forgetting to load your suitcases into the car. I'll just bring them out maybe in a week or so when I have time. I'm sure you can spent a week in the same clothes."

"Thank you." Hermione said dryly. Ron and Harry rolled their eyes. They were used to Mr. Fudge's unhelpfulness, but this was pure laziness or Mr. Fudge's part.

"I think you children need to take a shower when you get to your new home." Mr. Fudge commented. "You smell strongly of garlic. It's most unpleasant."

Hermione wanted to point out that the reason the garlic was strong enough to cause everyone tears was that the windows were open. But she didn't want to sound rude. Harry however, had no such desire. "Mr. Fudge, maybe you should close the windows." Hermione glared at him.

"No, I don't think so Klaus." Mr. Fudge said.

"Uh, my name is Harry." Harry answered.

"It would be too stuffy if we closed the windows." Mr. Fudge continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted.

Harry was the eldest Potter sibling, at the age of 14. He was a wizard and loved riding on broomsticks and playing a sport known as Quidditch.

Hermione, the second oldest, loved to read. She was 13 years old and she had read more books than both her brothers put together. Her favorite was _Hogwarts, A History_, a book about a school of magic. Until the tragic demise of both of the Potters' parents, the children were home-schooled and knew many spells.

Hermione, sick of holding her breath, took in oxygen and regretted it. The smell of garlic was simply overpowering. Smiling, she raised her wand, pointed it at her nose and muttered "Stugif!" Immediately, the garlic smell was blocked from her nose. She breathed in deeply and smiled at the satisfaction of now having no tears in her eyes from the garlic.

Her brother Ron scowled at her, wishing he had learned that particular charm. Ronald Potter, called Ron, was only 12 years old. He loved to play Wizard Chess, and was quite good with tactics and strategies.

After their parents' deaths, the orphans had gone to live with Lord Voldemort, a very evil relative who had tried to get his greedy hands on their fortune which was stored in Gringotts Wizard Bank. Finally, Mr. Fudge had taken them away from Lord Voldemort and was currently driving them to the home of a new relative.

"I'm sure you will like Mr. Hagrid." Mr. Fudge told the orphans. "He's traveled a lot and from what I've heard he's had much experience with magical animals."

"How exactly are we related to this Hagrid?" Ron asked.

"Mr. Hagrid, Ron." Mr. Fudge corrected sternly. "Please, mind your manners. Anyway, I believe he is your late father's cousin's wife's brother's former roommate."

"And that makes use related how?" Hermione questioned skeptically.

But Mr. Fudge wasn't listening. "Mr. Hagrid is a scientist of some sort who works for a private organization. Ah, here we are!"

They had finally left the road, and the garlic smell behind them and were driving up a rocky driveway to a large stone house. The house was cement gray with small, rectangular windows and a huge brown door that looked as though a giant could have fit through it without bumping his head.

But it was not the house that was so interesting, but what was in the yard. There were at least 20 statues of large lizard-like creatures that seemed to be shooting fire from their nostrils. They were all of varying height and color, but they all looked equally ferocious.

"Ah, what nice Chameleon statues." Mr. Fudge commented. "I wonder if they change color to blend in. Now _that_ would be impressive magic."

"Those certainly aren't Chameleons." Hermione said. "The spine is too rough and the front and back limbs aren't proportioned correctly. And they're way too big to be any small lizard."

As they drove by down the driveway, all the orphans' eyes were on the frozen, mysterious statues. They looked as if, at any moment, they could stomp toward the children and burn them to a crisp.

"They're dragons!" Harry gasped quite suddenly.

"Of course!" Hermione agreed at once.

"They're bloody brilliant!" Ron commented.

As they walked up to the huge door to the house, a million questions swarmed through the childrens' minds. _Would Mr. Hagrid be nice? Would he be kind? Or would he be as horrible as Lord Voldemort? And why in the world did he have dragon statues in his yard??_

Mr. Fudge ran the bell and the sound echoed through the stone house. Then the door opened and a huge form loomed into view. The children looked up and saw a huge man standing in the doorway. His beard was extremely bushy and covered his face.

"Come in, come in!" He boomed, and reached down to place a huge hand on Harry's shoulder. "I just made some rock cakes! You're in time to eat!"

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW OR DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Don't expect the next chappie up any time soon seeing as I'm kinda busy with school stuff. Ugh. But REVIEW ANYWAY!


	2. Chapter Two

DON'T READ THIS! THIS IS A DEPRESSING CHAPTER!

NOTE: I haven't read the Grim Grotto yet so DON'T TALK ABOUT IT TO ME OR I WILL PERSONALLY WRING YOUR NECK WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS! Moving on…

On every new chapter I will have a REVIEWER QUESTION. Here's this one: What is your opinion on the Harry Potter movies?

PearlGirl- I think they aren't nearly as good as the books. They're too short (I know they have to be, but they cut out almost all of my favorite chapter of the 3rd book) and I'm not fond of the actors who play Sirius and Lupin. Also HARRY DOES NOT HAVE BLUE EYES!! In the movie, they should say, "Harry, you look just like your father, but you have your Mother's eyes. Except, oddly enough, yours are blue."

Chapter two

"Doesn't Ron like the rock cakes?" Hagrid asked. He, Mr. Fudge and the Potter orphans were all sitting around a wooden table, each with a plate that held a circular lump of hard, brown dough. Harry assumed that Hagrid was referring to these rather stonish things when he referred to the "rock cakes" because Ron hadn't touched his. Neither had any of them, for that matter.

"Oh." Hermione exclaimed. "I didn't know if we should eat them." She neglected to mention that they looked as though only rabid wolves should eat them.

"Of course!" Hagrid boomed. "That's what they're there for! My secret recipe!"

Harry gulped. He wondered what the recipe was, and if it involved the phrase  
"Let sit in cellar for 10-15 years."

Ron smiled faintly and picked up the rock cake. Everyone watched as he slowly brought it to his mouth and took a tiny bite. He chewed, and chewed, and chewed. "Very good, thank you, Mr. Hagrid." He winced, as he continued chewing.

"Knew you'd like it!" Hagrid exclaimed. "And none of that Mr. Hagrid stuff! Just Hagrid is perfectly fine! Or Uncle Hagrid." He smiled at Ron, who was still chewing. "Even my fellow dragonologists don't call me Mr. Hagrid."

"What are dragonologists?" Asked Harry.

"What do they call you?" Hermione asked.

"Where's the bathroom?" Ron asked, still chewing.

"Children!" Mr. Fudge exclaimed. "So many questions!"

"That's okay!" Hagrid cried. "I love questions! It shows smartness."

Hermione winced at the improper word, and longed to correct him and say "intelligence," but knew that would be rude.

"And guess what Dragonology is." Hagrid said.

Hermione waved her hand above her head and cried, "Pick me!"

Harry and Ron (who was still chewing) looked at her, surprised.

Hagrid chuckled. "Yes, Hermione?"

"It's the study of dragons." Hermione gave them her that-question-is-so-easy-even-a-half-a-snail-could-have-figured-it-out look. Ron glared his thank-you-miss-bossy-know-it-all look. Harry gave them his be-polite-we-don't-want-Hagrid-to-think-we're-giving-him-looks look.

"Excellent." Hagrid said. "Drgaons, dragons, dragons! I love dragons! Always have, always will! I circle the globe looking for different kinds to study in my special laboratory!"

"Is there someone to take care of the children while you 'circle the globe'?" Mr. Fudge inquired.

"What?" Hagrid asked. "Don't be silly! They can come with me! In ten and a half days we leave for the wilderness of Romania and I want all three of you with me!"

Harry's eyes grew wide with excitement. "You'd really take us?"

"Of course!" Hagrid cried. "You can help! Edgar, my top assistant, left an unexpected letter of resignation for me yesterday. I had to quickly hire another man, by the name of Nicolai, to take his place. He won't come for a week and I'm way behind in preparing!

Mr. Fudge frowned and sneezed into his handkerchief, as he so often did. After a minute of continuous sneezing, he said "Are you sure it's safe?"

"Yup." Hagrid nodded.

"That's brilliant!" Cried Ron, his mouth still full of rock cake. He suddenly grabbed his handkerchief and coughed into it. Then he asked, with his mouth now empty, "What's to prepare?"

"I need one person to think of a good, easy method of searching for the dragons. I was thinking of some sort of transportation. It's got to be fast and easy. Somebody's got to bewitch my magical cages so they'll hold the dragons and not melt, like one of the previous cages did. A last person needs to come up with a good strategy with spells to use to stun the dragons and get them in the cages."

"I know a lot about broomsticks." Harry said. "I could probably bewitch some to make them really good at flying. Maybe I could also spell the cages to attach to the broomsticks. That could be our method of transportation while we're searching for dragons."

"And I am very interested in spells." Hermione said. "I'd be happy to make some nice, fire-proof dragon cages."

"I'm good at strategies!" Ron said. "I could come up with good tactics and spells to use to stun the dragons."

"Great!" Hagrid exclaimed. "Knew you guys were smart!" Hagrid's face brightened as he stopped worrying about Edgar. I wish- and I'm sure you wish as well- that I could go back and warn Hagrid of the misfortune that would soon follow. But I simply can't, and that is that.

"Well, we'd better get started!" Hagrid said happily. "Why don't you say good-bye to Mr. Fudge."

The Potter orphans, who had been so scared when walking up to the door when they arrived, now ran excitedly to the car and opened the door for Mr. Fudge to get in.

Mr. Fudge turned to the children as he got into the car. "I'm sorry about the arrangements. I had never met Mr. Hagrid before, and, well..." He shifted uncomfortably. "Well, he was much… larger then I expected. If you children want, I could find a more suitable relative…"

"I think he's perfect." Harry said, expressing the opinions of all three siblings.

"Well," Mr. Fudge sneezed into his handkerchief. "If that's the way you feel. But you can always contact me in the Ministry of Magic! Good-bye!"

And the children watched his car roll down the driveway, past the dragon statues and into Stinky Street. They all waved, and when the car had banished from sight, they ran back to the house.

"Come on, kids!" Hagrid cried, when they had returned to the kitchen.

"Are you married?" Harry asked, out of the blue.

"Harr-y!" Hermione said shrilly. "That was so rude!"

"That's okay." Hagrid shrugged his massive shoulders. "Nope, and I never have been. I do know this lovely woman named Olympe, and we're good friends. Maybe someday…" Hagrid smiled, gazing dreamily.

I'm sorry to say that Hagrid never did marry Olympe, who is a very charming woman. She loved him from the first day they met, and cried for days when she learned that she would never see him again.

"Well, to business." Hagrid grew business-like. "Let's go to the Dragon Dungeon, shall we?"

"Yes!" Ron cried. "Please." He added, and Hagrid smiled. "Yer so polite. Just like yer parents. Actually, more like your mother. Your father was a right troublemaker, he was. But not mean. At least, not to me."

"You knew our parents?" Harry said, surprised, as Hagrid led them down a flight of stairs and into a hallways with rooms coming off them.

"These will be your rooms." Hagrid said, gesturing at the doors. "Pick whichever yeh like. But don' fight about it."

"We get our own rooms?" Hermione cried, gleefully. No more sleeping in the same room as her brothers.

"Sure, why not." Hagrid said. "I got so much space. I got this whole wonderful house. Used ta just have a small hut."

"Lord Voldemort made us share." Ron grumbled.

"I heard abou' him." Hagrid grimaced. "Powerful, horrible wizard, that one."

Harry asked again, determined not to be ignored, "You knew our parents?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah I did." Hagrid replied. "I was working for the school they went to. Hogwarts? Yeh heard of it? They learned magic there."

The orphans nodded. They'd heard their parents talk about their school.

"Yeh look a lot like yer dad, Harry. But yeh have yer mother's eyes. She had lovely green ones." Hagrid told them.

Then they reached a large, black door. Hagrid pushed it opened with his huge hand and the door swung creakily op to reveal a huge dungeon, lit by torches. The children walked in, slowly, their footsteps echoing of the floor and walls.

What they saw was astonishing. Rows and rows of huge cells, all sturdy-looking and comfortable. Some had grass while others had dirt and pillows. But all of them contained dragons. All the dragons were different. Some were mean, and some looked actually quite tame. One was blowing smoke rings out of its nose. Some were blue, others were red, and one was a sleek black. There was one cell that had red curtains in front of the bars, so you couldn't see the dragon inside it. Most were huge, but one was very small and black and appeared to be a baby. When they had reached the other end, they saw something that made them, if possible, even more ecstatic, a word which here means so happy they felt they could walk on air. It was an enormous collection of books, even bigger than their library at home, and madam Hooch's library. Madame Hooch was a lady whom they had the pleasure of being neighbors with when they lived with Lord Voldemort. There were red books and blue books, old books and new books. There were scrolls and some books that looked alive. Some of the titles read _The Monster Book of Monsters_, _The Care and Feeding of a Norwegian Ridgeback_, _Men Who Love Dragons Too Much_, and _An_ _Introduction to Immense, Fire-Breathing Creatures_.

"This is awesome." Harry said, breaking the silence.

"Totally." Hermione agreed.

"It's brilliant!" Ron exclaimed for the third time that day.

"Well, I have spent my whole life putting it together." Hagrid said, smiling. "Starting first thing tomorrow morning, all of us will be here every day to begin Romania preparations. Harry will gather up my broomsticks, clean them, bewitch them and get them ready. Hermione will charm my special dragon carrying cages to make them comfortable and fireproof. Ron will look up defenses and spells in my library and take notes. Then we will have supper and go out and watch a play at the Ned H. Rirger Theater. They have some really good ones. Sound good?"

The Potter orphans looked at one another. Sound good? Compared to living with Lord Voldemort, sleeping in one room, sharing one bed, making dinner, putting up with his drunk friends, enduring his smelly breath and almost getting one's fortune stolen, spending the day working in the Dragon Dungeon sounded like heaven. They gazed around the dungeon and smiled, knowing their lives were definitely getting better. Unfortunately, they didn't know that soon they would be even more miserable than when they had been with Lord Voldemort, but there's no need for us to spoil their happiness by telling them this.

"Yes, yes, yes!" The orphans cried together, answering Hagrid's question.

"Good, good, good!" Hagrid smiled. "Now it's getting late- "

"Wait, I have one question." Ron interrupted.

"Yes?" Hagird asked.

"What's in the cell with the red curtain?"

Hagrid looked at the cell, then at the orphans and smiled a huge grin. "That is my latest catch." His huge chest swelled proudly. "Next month I will present my fellow…er, co-workers with my find. Most of them also deal with dragons, though some work with other animals. You can look at it if yeh want."

The Potter children gathered round, excited. Hagrid swept open the curtains majestically. In the cell there lay an enormous emerald green dragon with shinning black eyes. Its scales reflected different shades of green with the flickering light of the torches. The children watched it, terrified yet in awe.

"This is the Extremely Dangerous Lizard." Hagird said. "I captured it, so I get to name it."

The children backed away, but Hagrid laughed. "Don't worry, the cage is fire-proof. It's perfectly safe."

Then the Extremely Dangerous Lizard did something quite unexpected. With one flick of its sharp tail, it sliced through the lock of the cell and the door fell to the floor. Then it inhaled and blew a huge flame of fire directly at Ron. The youngest Potter screamed as his whole body became engulfed in flames of fire.

REVIEWER NOTES

ERMonkey, Burner of Cookies- I know for a fact that there are going to be 13 books in the series. I read it in some magazine. Anyway, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I HAVEN'T READ THE GRIM GROTTO YET SO BE QUIET!!!!! Yup, Sunny would definitely like rock cakes. But, since Ron isn't a baby…

elvengirl9- Well you see, I don't want you to read this, but if you're going to, you might as well review. Yeah, Lemony really does babble on about how sad things are. I don't have the patience or the time for that. Anyway, here's my next chapter!! You'll have to read and find out if Hagrid dies!!

RockSunner- Glad you liked my story! Yes, Hagrid and Montgomery do fit together, don't they?

Visualpurple- Hey, S! Call me anytime! I love talking to you! Did you get my e-mail? I can't wait to see the movie with you! I'll try to find time to call you over Thanksgiving. What are you doing? We're having my dad's graduate students over. Most of them are Asian and they don't have anywhere else to go for the holiday. They bring all sorts of cool, weird food.

Spinereader- Yeah, I know. I mean, Ronald Potter? Hermione Potter? That sounds really weird. But, well, it's interesting, isn't it? I can imagine Ron and Harry as brothers, but it still seems weird to have Hermione and Ron as siblings, especially since I think they make a good ship.

Ignotus-Veritas- Interesting pen name. What's it supposed to mean? I still haven't read the Grim Grotto (see note at beginning of sad story) yet and I'm going to die!!!! I'm getting it for Christmas! That's so far away!

Previously known as neg-meg- Hmmmmm. Neg-meg. Glad you liked the character matching. It's really fun to do. Thanks for reviewing!

WhiskersIsMyCat- I used to have a kitty named Lucky, but we found out my brother was allergic so we gave him back to the previous owner. Hope you liked the chapter!

DON'T READ, BUT REVIEW!!!


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

I am very, very sorry to leave you hanging like that for so long, but while I was writing, I realized I was late for a formal dinner party given by my friend, Miss Tonks. Miss Nymphadora Tonks is a good friend, an excellent metamorphmagus and a fine dueler, but she turns her eyes big, glaring and red if you arrive even five minutes later then you're supposed to. She also grows long nails and makes slashing movements with them against her throat, while glaring at you with her red eyes. It's not pleasant.

You must have thought, from the previous chapter, that Ron had died, and that this was the terrible thing that was to happen to the Potters during their stay at Hagrid's. But you would be wrong. It is not Ron who is going to die.

As the flames came from the mouth of the Extremely Dangerous Lizard, Harry and Hermione watched as Ron screamed and held his hands out in front of him, as if they would protect him. Hermione let out a whimper and Harry's eyes grew big, but not red and glaring, as he watched his brother's head disappear in flames.

But then, after a second, the flames ceased and the Potter siblings saw that their brother wasn't burned at all. Not even his red hair was singed. Ron looked frightened and amazed, but not dead.

Then all the Potters looked at Hagrid, who was laughing loudly.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Hagird cried. "Yeh musta been right scared! Don' yeh worry. The Extremely Dangerous Lizard is one 'o the least dangerous an' most friendly creatures in the animal kingdom! Its flame isn't even hot! It could'n light a match on fire!"

The Potters watched in amazement as the dragon whipped out its spiked tail again and wrapped it around Ron. It squeezed him gently, and then let go. Ron smiled nervously at it.

"Heh heh. Good dragon."

"Why in the world did you call it the Extremely Dangerous Lizard?" Hermione asked.

Hagrid smiled. "It's a…I forget the word. It's word that means 'a very wrong name'."

"A misnomer?" Hermione asked.

"Yup, that'd be it." Hagrid nodded. "I got ter name it. I'm going ter give my….er…co-workers a good scare! I'll say somethin' like this: 'Friends, I wan' yeh teh meet my new discovery, the Extremely Dangerous Lizard, which I found in- Aaaaaaiiii! It's escaped!"

Hagrid laughed. "Then they'll get scared til they realize the fire can't burn a fly."

Harry and Ron looked at each other and laughed. They thought Hagrid's prank was a good one. Hermione pursed her lips, but said nothing.

"Are there dragons in this room that are dangerous?" Ron asked, looking around warily at the other cages.

"'O course!" Hagrid exclaimed. "Yeh can' study dragons for years an' not meet some deadly ones. I got a friend ter bewitch some jars so I can collect samples of the dragon's fire. That way I can study 'em. There is one dragon in here that can shoot fire with such accuracy as to blast people off broomsticks if they fly too close, trying to get their eggs. There's another dragon that could smell yer shampoo from 50 feet away. An' there's a pair o' dragons who've learned to ride a broomstick so recklessly that they'd crash holes through your house and not even say they're sorry. But all of those dragons are in bewitched cages. I promise yeh that if yeh learn the facts, yeh won' get hurt here in the Dragon Dungeon."

There is a type of situation in this book that is referred to as "dramatic irony." This is when a character says something that later contrasts with what actually happens. For instance, if you said, "I can't wait for potions class to begin," when the students sitting around you know that the teacher is about to give you detention for no reason, this is dramatic irony.

As we listen to Rubeus Hagrid saying that no harm will come to the children in the Dragon Dungeon, we can feel the uncomfortable fluttering sensation in our stomach that always accompanies dramatic irony. For no matter how happy the children felt, you and I both know that soon someone will die and the Potters will be miserable again.

During that following week, however, the Potters felt the happiest they had ever felt since their parents' death. Each morning they got dressed in their own rooms. Harry picked a room with old Quiddich posters on the wall and a bedspread covered in broomsticks. Hermione picked a room with a book-filled bookcase and a comfortable chair and desk for working at. Ron picked a room with a chessboard and a nice table for playing it at.

Each morning, after a yummy breakfast, cooked for them by the bewitched stove, they would walk down the stairs to the Dragon Dungeon. There they joined Hagrid, who always started work early. Harry would clean the broomsticks with Hagrid's broom servicing kit and bewitch them to fly. He also added a spell that made them invisible when necessary, plus he wrapped soft towels around part of the broom so sitting on them would be more comfortable. Hermione went over to a bunch of cages and began bewitching them and cleaning them. Ron sat down in the library and read books like "Surviving Dragon Encounters.", trying to find good spells to use against them.

But what the youngsters liked most was learning about the various dragons from Hagrid. He told them all about the Swedish Short-snout, a bluish dragon that had tiny eyes in the back of its head, allowing it to see better. They met the Chinese Fireball, a red dragon that could imitate human speech in a low, hissing voice. Hagrid taught them how to make sure not to get a Hissing Dragon mad, and what to wear if you go hunting for a Welsh Green. He showed them they should never give a Norwegian Ridge back a teddy bear or show a Hungarian Horntail the color maroon.

Hagrid would also tell them interesting stories about the various wizards, dragons, witches, and Muggles he'd met on his journeys. Before too long, the Potters were talking too. They talked about their parents and what life was like before the fire. Hagrid even told them a few funny stories about their parents, because he was gamekeeper at Hogwarts, the wizarding school they had gone to.Hagrid was also constantly talking about Olympe, his traveling partner. The Potters often wondered where she was now, but couldn't bring themselves to ask. They hoped they would get to meet her.

After dinner they would cram themselves in Hagrid's jeep and go see a play at the Ned H. Rirger Theater.

One morning, however, the children arrived at the Dragon Dungeon and found a note from Hagrid. It read, in barely legible writing,

Harry, Hermione and Ron

I hafta drive into the town ta buy a lota stuff from our trip to Romania. Specifically: Romania slug repellant, Bertie Botts Beans, some good fire-proof coats for us (my old ones got kinda burned) and a tent. I won't except ta be back til 'round dinner.

Nicolai, Edger's replacement will be arriving by taxi. Show him ta his room and let him have some o' my rock cakes. I'm sure he'll like 'um. Only two days 'til our expedition!

Hagrid

"Taxi?" Ron asked.

"It's Muggle transportation, Ron." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Weren't you listening during Dad's lecture on Muggle transport?"

"No." Ron shrugged.

"How'd you pass the test he gave us, then?" Hermione asked.

"I said I had to go to the bathroom. Then I ran upstairs and looked up the answeres in the textbook." Ron smiled, remembering.

Hermione glared at him.

"Hey, that's my studying strategy!" Harry exclaimed. "You sole my technique!"

Hermione pursed her lips and said, "We really should get to work."

They all agreed and settled down for a quiet morning in the Dragon Dungeon. The Potters should savor this moment because it was the last peaceful time they would have in Hagrid's house. Then the doorbell ran, singling the beginning of their misery.

"There's the new assistant." Harry said, finishing bewitching one broom.

"Yes." Hermione nodded, looking up from a large cage. "I hope he's nice." She said, as they walked upstairs to the front door.

"I'm sure he is, since Hagrid hired him," Ron said. Can you feel the fluttering sensation in your stomach? That feeling of dramatic irony? I can as I write this.

When they opened the door, there was a very tall, thin man standing on the doorstep. Their eyes traveled up his brown, tasteless suit to his stubby nose and smile, which looked as though he had just told a joke. His eyes were red and glaring, but also very shiny. He also had a long brown beard, no eyebrows and blackish-gray hair.

"Hello, Potters." He sneered at them. "We meet again- I mean, are you the Potters? Hagrid told me about you."

"How do you do?" Harry asked, listening to his cold voice and wincing, because it sounded so familiar.

"How do you do?" Hermione asked, and looked into his red rimmed eyes and then looking quickly away, feeling the shiver of recognition.

"How do you do?" Ron asked. Then he looked down at the man's sockless feet and saw something on his ankle that gave his a vague feeling of déjà vu.

Then, simultaneously, the Potters stepped back from the man who was calling himself Nicholai. They looked at him again and knew this man shouldn't be in the house, shouldn't be talking to them and shouldn't' be calling himself Hagrid's assistant. He may have shaved off his one eyebrow and grown a beard and dyed it, but there was no way he could hide the tattoo of a skull on his ankle.

REVIEWER NOTES

RikkuHermione- I'm glad you liked it. I'm not going to bring the Baudelaires into the story because it's the Lemony Snicket plot but only Harry Potter characters.

Anonymous- Yeah, it is sort of a weird idea.

Rusty Shackleford- Figures that the films aren't as good. I haven't seen the movie yet, but from the preview it didn't look that great. The only funny part was when Count Olaf had to look at his hands to remember the orphan's names. That cracked me up.

Ignotus-Veritas- I like your name! Don't change it unless you really want to. Yeah, I know it's really sad that I haven't read the Grim Grotto yet. I have to wait for Christmas. Sniff, sniff. Oh well. It will make the moment when I can read it even better. I read the books to the rest of my family as we drive, usually on a skiing trip. It's so hard not to read it all in one day.

Queenofinsanity- Don't tell me about the Grim Grotto! I'll update, I swear! Which ones? Right now the only stories I'm doing are this one and the one I'm doing with my sis, Alania. I can't do the Reeses one because I haven't read the book yet! Everyone's reviewing and telling me to add more characters, but I can't!

REVIEW AND MERRY CHRIS-HAN-RAM-KUA-MAS! PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to mail me candy or anything else you feel the desire to get rid of. Or you can just give me a NICE REVIEW as a PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. Chapter Four

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY!

Chapter Four

One of the most difficult things about life is one's regrets. Something will happen, and if you don't do the right thing, for years afterward you will wish you had done something different. For instance, when I stroll along the streets of Hogsmeade or visit the grave of a friend, I remember when I didn't bring wolfsbane to a place where I should have brought some, and the results were horrifying. "Why didn't I bring some wolfsbane?" I asked myself, even though it is now too late to do anything.

For years after this moment in the Potters' lives, Harry thought of this moment when he recognized that Nicholai was actually Lord Voldemort, and was filled with regret that he didn't stun him on the spot. He would lie awake in bed, thinking, "If I had stunned him on the spot, I would have saved a life."

Lord Voldemort smiled the way a termite would smile at three delicious wooden houses if it had had the correct mouth muscles. "Hey, orphans! One of you can carry my suitcase downstairs to my room." He snarled. "That ride along stinky street was, well, stinky. And I hate Muggle taxis.

"You certainly deserved to be squished into a taxi." Hermione said, glaring at him. "We're not letting you into this house, so go away!"

Lord Voldemort frowned and said, "Why you imbecilic… uh, I mean…" he tried to look innocently confused. "Who's this Lord Voldemort guy? I am Nicholai, Hagrid's new assistant."

"You are too Voldemort-" Ron began.

"That's _Lord_ Voldemort to you!" Lord Voldemort interrupted. "And, anyway, that's _not_ my name!"

"Just because you grew a beard, dyed it, and then shaved off your one eyebrow doesn't mean that you're not Lord Voldemort." Harry protested.

"You are acting very rude." Lord Voldemort said slowly and clearly. "And children should not act rude. If I was this Lord Voldemort person, I would get very angry. And then I might do something rude in return." His hands had strayed to a pocket in his brown, tasteless suit, and the children could see they were fingering something long and pointy.

The Potters looked at each other and knew that Lord Voldemort could be very violent when he got mad. So Harry took out his wand, said an incantation, and the suitcase was lifted into the air. Lord Voldemort followed Ron, who followed Hermione who came after Harry who was behind the floating suitcase. They all walked down the stairs, entered a hallway, went to an empty bedroom and Harry dropped the suitcase.

"Now, run along orphans." Lord Voldemort snorted. "I'm a very busy man. We can become acquainted later. Acquainted means-"

"We know what the word means." Hermione said shortly. "And I don't think we want to become acquainted to you, Voldemort."

"Still as stubborn as ever, you silly girl. What's your name again? Something weird like Hemonie? And Harry is still a Quidditch freak. So much like his idiot father. Except he has his mother's ugly weed-green eyes. And little Ronnikins still only has one ear."

"Are you blind?" Ron asked. "I have two ears!"

"Are you sure?" Lord Voldemort sneered. "I thought that a wizard got so confused from being repeatedly called by the wrong name that he bewitched your ear off with his wand and transplanted it onto a cactus." The horrible man pulled out a long, skinny wand from his pocket.

Hermione shivered and Harry's hand went immediately to his own wand.

"You wouldn't." Ron said.

"Let's not discuss what I would or wouldn't do." He laughed. "Let's talk about what my name is. Harry, what's my name?"

Harry glared at him and didn't answer.

"Imperio!" Voldemort cried, hitting Harry with the curse. A happy feeling came over Harry and he smiled. "Tell me what my name is!" Voldemort demanded.

"Your name is Nicholai." Harry said.

"Good." Nicholai smiled. "I hope you'll remember this little lesson in respect. Go away now."

The Potters left the room and ran to the Dragon Dungeon. They were terrified. Harry laid his head down on the table covered in his polished broomsticks and tried to not look like he was about to cry. Hermione sank to the floor beside her cleaned cages and stared up at the ceiling. Ron curled up in a ball on one of the sofas and began shivering and sneezing. For several moments all was quiet and the only thing that could be heard was Nicolai shuffling around in his room.

"How did he find us out?" Harry asked.

"He vowed that he'd get our fortune." Hermione said. "That's the last thing he yelled to us, remember?"

"What do we do?" Ron cried. "We're going to DIE!!"

"Be quiet!" Harry shouted at him, looking very pale. "We are not going to DIE! We're going to solve this problem. We're going to figure out his plan, and we're going to foil it. Like Hermione did last time." He smiled at his sister and she smiled back.

"But let's just tell Mister Fudge!" Hermione suggested.

"Him?!" Ron asked. "That sneezing buffoon?! He's no help!"

"He'll just say we've got an over-active imagination." Harry said.

"Should we run away?" Ron asked.

"I second the motion." Hermione said. "We can get jobs or something. Maybe someone in Diagon alley or Hogsmeade would hire us. Once Harry's 18, we'll get all the galleons from Gringotts."

"I really think running away is a bad idea." Harry said.

"I still think we're all going to die!" Ron shivered.

"We'll put it to a vote." Harry said. "Who's for telling Mister Fudge?"

Hermione raised her hand resolutely in the air.

"Who's for running away?"

Ron raised his hand. "We're going to die anyway." He said, "But we might as well die away from here."

"And I'm for staying here and figuring out his plans." Harry said. "We simply can't leave. His assistants will just track us down. We have to defeat him!"

Lord Voldemort had gruesome assistants. There was a man with long blond hair and cold, hard eyes. The man talked in a slow drawl. The children referred to him as the Blonde. Another man was short and balding with watery eyes and a rodent-shaped face. The Potters' name for him was Rodent-face. There were also two large, fat men with rippling muscle. They were called the Gorillas.

"And my vote counts triple." Harry said. "So I win. We're staying here."

"Can we at least try to warn Uncle Hagrid?" Hermione asked.

"Sure! That's a great idea! He'll definitely believe us!" Harry cried. "We'll wait for him."

"We wait." Hermione agreed.

"I hate waiting." Ron moaned.

Waiting is a very difficult thing sometimes. For example, waiting for Christmas when it's still July is very hard. It's also tedious to wait for a Quidditch match if you still have a double potions session ahead of you. But to wait for one's adopted uncle to come home while a greedy and violent man is upstairs was one of the worst waits the Potters had ever experienced. They tried to work to get their minds off their troubles, but it didn't work. Harry kept thinking about Voldemort's sneer when he was putting a fireproof spell on the broomstick. Hermione tried to get her mind off Voldemort's one eyebrow as she strengthened the bars of a cage with a good spell. Ron's mind wandered as he was reading, "To Stun a Dragon" by Newt Scamander to thoughts of Lord Voldemort's horrible skull tattoo.

Finally the children heard the noise of something banging loudly upstairs and then they heard someone cough.

"Hagrid!' They cried, and ran upstairs. There they found Hagrid, covered in soot and stepping out of the fireplace.

"Lousy Floo powder." He smiled at the kids. They smiled back, and this instant created another moment of regret for them. Years after, Hermione would look back and wish she had told Hagrid immediately about their trouble with Nicholai. But instead, she smiled and let Hagrid talk to them.

"I got the Romania slug repellent, the Bertie Botts beans and the fire-proof coats. I hope I got comfortable coats. Hermione, d'ye like the color pink?" He held up a pink coat with purple flowers on it. Hermione winced.

"Looks great." Nicholai said, as he stepped into the room.

"Uncle Hagrid." Hermione said, "We have something important to tell you."

"Shoot." Hagrid said. "I'm all ears. But don't you want to see the slug repellent? I'm glad Hermione knows so much about slugs. I almost got the wrong one. If you hadn't told me-"

"We've really got to tell you something." Ron interrupted.

"Ron!" Hagrid cried, sounding surprised. "Don't interrupt. It's bad manners."

"Well, what we wanted to say was-" Hermione began, then she looked at Nicholai. He had his wand out and was holding it right behind Harry's back. Hermione looked from Nicholai to Harry to Hagrid. Harry looked from Hermione to Hagrid. Then he twisted his hand and saw Nicholai. Ron looked at everybody and Nicolai was focused on Hermione. Hagrid wasn't paying any attention. He was just rambling about his slug repellent.

Hermione knew she couldn't continue with her sentence if she wanted to continue to see her brother alive. She sighed and shut her mouth.

Without saying a thing, Nicholai had shown that he wasn't about to let the children get away so easily.

REVIEWERS

Queenofinsanity- Yeah, I was definitely thinking about making Bella Esme. Yeah, Alania and I are really slow with our Trekkie story. But we'll try to work more and post it. We've written it already. We're just soooo lazy. And busy with doing nothing.

Elvengirl9- I read The Grim Grotto! Be happy! I'll work on my Reese's story. GG was really good, but no I'm soooo sick of the water cycle! I doubt you'll see TONS of updates. Maybe one. I'm laaaaazzzzzzzE.

Super Shayde- I'm glad you like it. Hee hee. I love putting people in suspense. Muahahaha!!!

ERMonkey, Burner of Cookies- MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Presents! Hee hee. Fun!

Arkady Jeanette Phoenix- Interesting long name. I like it. Yes, I did write the story about the Peanut Butter Room. Merry CHRISTMAS!!! Oh yes, I read GG. Now I don't like the water cycle! Grrrrrr.

Visualpurple- Hey S! We need to get together again sometime. It was such fun! Today is the day that we're watching all the LOTR trilogy. It's 2 in the afternoon and we've watched the first one already. Happy New Year!

Iyrasquill- HP and ASOUE are my favorite series too, except I also LOVE The Lord of the Rings! LOVE LOVE LOVE!! I hate it how they messed up the Norbert thingy too. Thanks for reviewing!

Ignotus- Veritas- I read GG! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!! Now I want the next book! Now Now Now!

Thereaper- Who's going to be the next relative? It's a secret. Hee hee. You'll never know unless you read them.

Bright Blue Cereal Bowls- I like your random pen name. Yup, I'll be writing fanfics on every book in the series. Thanks for reviewing.

Star Wars nut- Now I have a copy of GG and I read it! Muahahahaha!

Munch010- I love HP too! Fun fun! In a lot of the posters, Harry's eyes are green though. It's weird. I guess they edited them. I want to just stick colored contacts in Harry's eyes.

Alyssa- Yup. It's Lemony Snicket but I decided to twist Harry potter in because they're both my most favorite series. Except for LOTR and a couple of other really good series. Anyway, I'm glad you like it!

Mimers93- Woah! Calm down! Don't die! Since you demanded more, here it is!

READ AND REVIEW!!!


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

That night felt like the longest and most terrible the Potter orphans had ever had, and they'd had plenty. There was one night when all the kids had gotten the flu and they'd tossed and turned for hours, feeling hot, sticky and uncomfortable. The children had also spent time living with Mr. Fudge and they had hated his two daughters, Sugar and Vanilla Fudge. Both girls were snobby and rude. And of course the children had spent miserable nights under Lord Vodlemort's care.

But this particular night seemed much, much worse. Form the time of Hagrid's return to the house until bed time, Nicholai hadn't let the children out of his sight. They couldn't possibly run to Hagrid and blurt out everything they knew about Nicholai's real identity. When they brought in Hagrid's supplies for the trip to Romania to the house, Nicholai carried a bag with one hand and kept the other hand in his pocket where his wand was. When they were preparing dinner, Nicholai smirked and used his wand to make the potatoes fly through the air and chop themselves into pieces. Hagrid was extremely impressed.

"I can't use me wand anymore." Hagrid explained, shaking his head. "Yeh see, I was expelled from Hogwarts in me secon' year, so they broke me wand in half."

"I went to Hogwarts School." Nicholai smiled. "I know all about that. Didn't it have to do with some sort of dangerous creature that…?"

"You'd best start cooking the poatoes, Nicholai." Hagrid said loudly, and glanced at the children who were helping chop carrots nearby. Neither of them was too skilled with a wand, so they just used muggle knives.

"Why'd you get expelled?" Harry asked, curious.

"Not important." Hagrid insisted, and refused to discuss it further.

During dinner Nicholai talked about his previous work with dragons and laughed loudly at Hagrid's jokes and stories. Hagrid was so pleased he had found a new assistant that he didn't notice that Nicolai kept his wand on the table through the entire meal.

When Hagrid dismissed them from the table, they went each to their own rooms, but they felt very lonely. Harry looked sadly at all the Quidditch pictures on the walls and tried to figure out what Nicholai was up to. Hermione glanced at the books on her bookshelf and tried to think of how to tell Hagrid who Nicholai really was. Ron glanced at the chessboard that he hadn't yet played on and tried to think of how to get rid of Nicholai and find a new assistant.

The children thought about going to Hagrid's room, but then they would have to walk past Nicholai's room, and Nicholai wasn't sleeping. He was sitting in a chair in the hall and smiling.

Finally, the next morning the Potters trudged blearily down the stairs, aching from their sleepless night.

"This is worse than how I felt when we were playing a family Quidditch game in the fog and I fell ten feet off my broomstick trying to catch the snitch." Harry groaned.

"This aching is much more intense than when I stayed up late studying for one of Dad's tough transfiguration tests." Hermione moaned.

"I feel more pain now then when I accidentally stepped on one of the marble knights in my chess set back at home." Ron sighed.

"I suppose we should go to the Dragon Dungeon." Harry said, after scarcely nibbling his toast.

"I'm sure Hagrid will be waiting." Hermione agreed.

"And I'm sure Nicholai will be too." Ron said angrily, glaring at his piece of burned toast.

"If only Hagrid knew what we know. Hermione said sadly, "and Nicholai knew that he knew that he knew what we know. But Hagrid doesn't know what we know, and Nicholai knows that he doesn't know what we know."

"I know." Harry agreed.

"I know that you know." Hermione said.

"I know that you know that I know." Harry countered.

"Well, I don't know what are you two talking about!" Ron said angrily. "Hermione, you talk to much."

"You complain too much." Hermione retorted.

"Fighting isn't helping." Harry said. "We need to figure out what Nicholai is really up to."

"Maybe he's just waiting until you're 18, so then you'll get the fortune and he'll steal it." Ron suggested.

"Four years is quite a long time to wait." Harry pointed out.

The children all sat and thought about what they were doing four years ago. Harry remembered that when he was 10 he was given his first broomstick. It was a Nimbus 2000, and he loved it. Hermione remembered when she was 9 and she started memorizing the book _Hogwarts, A History_ so that when her parents finally stopped home-schooling her and let her go to school, she would know all about it. When Ron was 8, four years ago, he remembered that he beat his father for the first time in Wizard Chess. Then his pieces finally trusted him, and he beat him almost every time after that. Four years did seem like a long time.

"Come on yeh slugs!" Hagrid came bursting into the kitchen with a big smile on his face. "Nicholai just got here, and he's already workin' in the Dragon Dungeon. In fact, he was up way before I was. He was sitting in a chair outside his room when I woke up. We need teh hurry! I'd like teh watch a play at the Ned H. Rirger Theater called Orphans in the Dungeon. Sound good? I thought so too.

"We'd like to talk to you about Lord- Nicholai." Harry said quickly, seizing the moment, a phrase which here means, "started to tell Nicholai's real identity since he finally had left them alone".

Hagrid nodded gravely and leaned forward across the kitchen table to whisper to the children. "I've had my suspensions, an' I would like to tell yeh about 'em."

The Potter children looked at one another in relief. "You do?" Hermione asked.

"'O course." Hagrid nodded. "Last night I was suspicious. There's somethin' kinda spooky about him." Hagrid looked around him carefully, then said softly, "I think that this man who's calling himself Nicholai is really a spy from the Dragonologist society! He's trying to learn about the Extremely Dangerous Lizard. Then he'll steal it and claim it as his own discovery! This is why we can't take him on our expedition to Romania! He would steal all our samples of dragon breath and our scales for himself!"

"He's not a spy!" Cried Ron. "He's Lord Voldemort."

"I agreed." Hagrid agreed. "He acts just like that terrible Lord Voldemort. Fortunately, he only wants to steal dragons, not children. That's why I'm making sure that I only book the Portkey for four. The Portkey is an old beer bottle about a ten-minute walk from the house. The Portkey will take us to Diagon alley, and there we can get a fireplace connected to the Floo network. I didn't want to use broomsticks at the beginning because it would take a week or more to fly to Romania. The Portkey won't work for five people. I'll tell him he is to stay and look after the dragons at home."

"But Hagrid-" Hermione began.

"I ain't finished." Hagrid said. "And don' yeh worry abou' the dragons at home. The cages have got a nice lockin' spell, and they're protected against anyone else tryin' to move 'em."

Then suddenly the refrigerator that Hagrid was standing near tipped away from the wall. Hermione screamed as it fell, pinning Hagrid's leg underneath it.

Harry and Ron rushed to help Hagrid get his leg out. Fortunately, Hagrid was quite a large and tough man. Then they noticed that Nicholai was standing in the room, fiddling something in his pocket that was long and thin.

"That gave me quite a shock." Nicholai said.

Hagrid nodded. "Guess I didn' plug it in right or somethin'. Stuipd Muggle invention." Hagrid kicked it and dented it. "Whoops."

Hermione pulled out her wand and repaired the dent, but not even the three of the children together could lift it into its proper place.

"It might have something to do with the fact that you're saying it wrong, Ron." Hermione said crossly. "It's _Wingardium Leviosa_. Make the 'gar' nice and long."

"Whatever." Ron grumbled.

"I'm goin' teh get a bandage." Hagrid said, and left the room.

"That was stupid, Nicholai." Hermione said. "You almost hit us, and if you did, you wouldn't get the fortune."

"Oh, I don't want to kill you." Nicholai smiled, and his eyes were very shiny. "I'm not going to harm a hair on any Potter's head, even though you have plenty." He eyed Hermione's bushy hair. "Don't be afraid of me until we find ourselves in a remote place where crimes are harder to trace."

"What are you talking about?" Ron asked. "We're staying right here."

"Really?" Nicholai asked. "Why, dear me. I thought we were leaving for Romania tomorrow."

"You're not going." Harry spat. "There's only room for four! The Portkey's been set."

Nicholai's sneer turned to a scowl and he glared daggers at the children. "I wouldn't be too sure. Even the best of plans can change if there's an accident." And he pointed at the refrigerator. "And accidents happen all the time."

REVIEWER NOTES-

Queenofinsanity- That's really cool how you had a test on the Water Cycle after you had read the book! It's also really creepy that the waiter looked like Stephano. What's the Unofficial Autobiography? I've only read the Unauthorized Autobiography. Are they the same thing? Let me guess who JS is. Jerome Squalor! My sis thought about him after we'd finished reading the GG. I bet that's who you think it is too.

Arkday Jeanette Phoenix- I don't care if you tell me Happy Hanukah, but I do celebrate Christmas. I did celebrate Hanukah once with a family friend and I really liked the potato pancakes they make. Yummmy. Glad you liked the Reese's Cup story. Thanks, but I'm not really that good of a writer. If I was really good I'd be able to make up my own characers and not have to steal them from other authors. Don't worry, I'll use Snape eventually. Haven't decided where yet, though. Yeah! Another trekkie! Who's a girl! They're so hard to come by these days. I haven't seen all of the episodes, but my Dad got me all of season 2 on DVD for Christmas, so we're going to watch them all. I love long reviews! Keep writing them long!

RikkuHermione- I'm glad you're still waiting for the Baudelaires, but it's a pity that they're never going to show up. Thanks for the review.

Ooga- Ok, I'll do more. I'm glad you liked my story.

VisualPurple- Hey S! I emailed you! I hope you got it! I'll call you a lot during finals week. Yo estudio mucho para los examen. Y tu? Que tal? Soy estupenda! Mi clase favorita es espanol, y tu? Tu eres rubia y simpatica y comica! Mis amigos (say) "Aragorn y Legalos son muy guapos!" Adios!

Star Wars nut- Ok, I'll update. Thanks for the review

Fire Ever Blazing- READ LEMONY SNICKET WRITE NOW!! I'm glad you like my story, but Lemony snicket is really a lot better then my story, trust me on this. Don't watch the movie until after you've read the books because the movie is really weird and different and a lot worse!

ERMonkey- Burner of Cookies- Yeah, I saw the movie. It wasn't nearly as good as the books, plus they threw in weird stuff about the movies go by really fast since they crammed in all three books.

Crystal-Clear Krystal- I'm glad you liked my story. If you haven't read Lemony Snicket before, be sure you do so.

Ignotus- Veritas- Yuppers, I finally updated. Yup, I saw the movie, and the books were diffently better. They threw in a lot of weird stuff that I didn't like and KLAUS WAS TALER THEN VIOLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WON'T BE UPDATING PROBABLY FOR A WHILE SINCE FINALS ARE COMING UP! SO EXCITING!


	6. Chapter Six

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I'm writing another Lemony Snicket story at the same time! It's 120 pages so far, and once I'm finished I'll post that too!

Chapter Six

All afternoon the children had sat in the Dragon Dungeon, trying to get their work done but finding it very difficult seeing as they were forever feeling Nicholai's eyes on them. He was also working in the dungeon along with Hagrid to finish preparations for their trip to Romania. So really, when evening came, they weren't in the mood to see a play. But, as usual, they all took turns traveling by Floo powder to the Ned H. Rirger theatre. While all of the actors were wizards and witches, still some oblivious Muggles came to the place. This made it against the law to use magic during the performance, but this didn't stop some of the actors from using a bit of magic here and there to touch up their acts. The play was called "Evil Dark Lords in the Dungeon", and it bored the Potter orphans to death. The dialogue was dull, and the play started with someone whistling very loudly, as if they were simply trying to get on the audience's nerves. Most of the play consisted of random scenes where people were talking about an evil dark lord and how he was killing people and to beware.

During the whole play, all Nicholai did was eat cockroach clusters. Harry thought those were the most disgusting candies in the whole wizarding world. They chirped even after you put them in your mouth!

But mostly the children were too worried about what Nicholai's plans were to pay attention to anything else. When the townsfolk were talking about how to get rid of the dark lord, Harry was dreaming about flying away on a broomstick with his siblings. When the dark lord began to laugh evilly and Nicholai joined in because he liked to laugh, Hermione was thinking about books she had read on people getting to Romania even though there wasn't a broomstick prepared for them. And in the ending when the dark lord melted in a puddle of water, Ron was debating himself on whether he should challenge Nicholai to a chess game where the winner gets to go to Romania and the loser has to go away forever.

After the play they traveled home again by Floo powder. The Potter siblings went downstairs without saying goodbye to Hagrid and went in to their separate rooms and into their beds.

Harry tossed and turned in his Quidditch sheets and thought miserably that he had never even gotten a chance to ride a broomstick around Hagrid's lawn before Voldemort had shown up.

Hermione tried unsuccessfully to sleep while staring at the books on her bookshelf and realizing she never got to read them.

Ron wriggled in his bed and looked at the chess set in his room that he had never gotten to play with.

The children all fervently tried to think of what Nicholai was trying to accomplish. Obviously he wanted their fortune, but how was he planning on getting it? What was that about 'crimes being harder to trace' and what had he meant by 'accidents happen all the time'? It was all very puzzling.

And just as fervently as the Potters wished to solve their problem, I wish I could change their situation. I want to wave my magic wand and make everything happy and sparkly with flowers and stars, but I can't. The best advice I can give you is to click the X and stop reading this depressing fanfic. You can pretend that they solved their problem and that the Potters put Nicholai in jail, went to Romania with Hagrid and are currently basking in the sun and drinking lemonade. You can even pretend that the Potter parents never died and that the siblings were just having a terrible nightmare. And you can imagine Lord Voldemort had a change of heart and decided to go devote his life to making people happy.

But none of these things really happened. What happened was that somebody knocked loudly, three times on Harry's door. It was so loud that Hermione and Ron heard it in their separate rooms.

"What do you want?" Harry called.

The door opened and there stood Nicholai, his eyes shining more then ever.

"Why, good morning." He said cheerfully. "Where are the other brats?" He turned and yelled, "ORPHANS!"

Hermione and Ron appeared soon after in the doorway wearing their night clothes. Hermione's hair was rumbled and Ron was looking anxious.

"It's time to leave for Romania." Nicholai said brightly. "And there are just enough broomsticks for three stupid orphans and myself to go, so let's make haste!"

"We told you, you aren't going." Hermione snapped. She obviously wasn't as happy as a calm when she was going on zero hours of sleep.

"It is your Hagrid who isn't going." Nicholai smiled.

"Don't be ridiculious!" Ron cried. "Hagrid would never miss this expedition! He was raving about it constantly!"

"Go ask him." Nicholai's eyes shone as if he were telling a joke. "Be my guest, orphans. Go ask your precious uncle. He's in the Dragon Dungeon as we speak."

"We will ask him." Harry said haughtily. "There's no way you're coming to Romania." He stubbornly stuck his nose in the air and stomped out of the room. Hermione and Ron followed.

"That git." Ron snarled. "Who does he think he is?"

"Voldemort." Hermione murmured. The children were silent. They knew that Voldemort knew exactly what he was doing when he told them he was going to Romania.

The hall was strangely quiet and their footsteps echoed as the walked down the stairs.

They walked up to the huge wooden doors of the dungeon and Hermione called softly, "Hagrid? Uncle Hagrid?" There was no answer.

They opened the door and for the first time they noticed it creaked loudly. The Potters walked past various dragons in their cages, most of who were sleeping.

They kept walking, all the way to the back where the library was. They passed the tables with enchanted broomsticks that Harry had made and the spellbooks that Ron had left open. They remembered Hagrid's promise: "I promise yeh that if yeh learn the facts, yeh won' get hurt here in the Dragon Dungeon." But you and I know this promise was chock full of dramatic irony, and the Potters were about to learn this as well. When they reached the bookshelves, the three siblings saw a large, shadowy mass huddled in the far corner. Hermione took out her wand and whispered, "Lumos."

The dark shape was Uncle Rubeus Hagrid. His mouth was slightly open, as if he was very surprised, but his eyes were wide open and gleaming. His face wasn't rosy and his nose wasn't red. Instead, it was deadly pale and it contrasted horribly with his large beard and mustache. On his left cheek were two small holes, right next to each other. The sort of mark made by snake fangs.

"Hagrid?" Harry whispered. Hermione stifled a cry. Hagrid didn't move. As he had promised, the children had not gotten hurt in the Dragon Dungeon, but Hagrid had gotten very hurt.

REVIEWER NOTES

Elvengirl9- I'm in Spanish One too. It's really, really fun. I used to take German and French. German was really boring because we had a really weird teacher who just told stories about his childhood and never taught us any actual German. Then I took French which was really hard to pronounce and I didn't like my teacher. I learned how to say 'Where is the cat?' But that's about it. I'm also learning Chinese from my friends at school because I have four Chinese friends. That's a really hard language!

Super Shayde- I thought the movie was okay, but I like books more in general because they leave more up to the imagination. Thanks so much for reviewing.

Clashachu- What does w00t mean? I like the way Stan Shunpike speaks. I think it's really funny! They did a good job of that in the movie. Thanks for reviewing!

Hunt3rKirby- You convinced me to start updating again. But seriously, I've been busy writing my 120 page (so far) Lemony Snicket story about Lemony's childhood. It's really fun to write and I think it's a lot more creative than this one. But I do like working with Harry, Hermione and Ron's personalities. But it seems weird to have them related, don't you think? We watched Star Wars 4-6 last weekend as a family and I'm SO EXCITED about last one coming out! We're watching The Wrath of Khan on Alania's birthday.

VisualPurple- ¡Hola! ALMOST SPRING BREAK! WOOHOOOOOOO! And the next

Star Wars movie is coming out! Revenge of the Sith! Really creative name, don't you think? Not! But I'm excited! We watched the last three movies as a family and now I want to see Anakin as a kid again. I also like Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's a cool character. Aren't you glad I'm finally updating? I decided I've waited long enough. Time to kill Hagrid off already! Can you come over next week since it's SPRING BREAK! A WHOLE WEEK OF NO SCHOOOL

Arkady Jeanette Phoenix- That's so cool! I wish my name was PearlGirl Esme Snodgrass. Wouldn't that be perfect? Just kidding. We will update our story, but we're being really, really lazy right now. Very soon. Maybe on Spring Break. It's next week for us! Muahahahaha! Thank you so much for reviewing!


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear me." Said a voice from behind them and the Potter orphans turned to see Stephano standing there, his heavy, green suitcase with the dark mark on it floating behind him, and a look of pure joy on his face.

"This is just so terribly horrible that I can't help smiling." Nicholai shook his head, and his sneer remained on his face. It scared the children very much to see Nicholai so happy, because whenever he was happy, someone innocent and kind was suffering. In this case, Hagrid had already suffered and they were still suffering, having to look at Nicholai's hideous sneer.

"Why, it looks like he was scorched with dragon fire." Nicholai sighed sadly, pointing to Hagrid's scorched beard. But when Harry, Hermione and Ron saw the look on Hagrid's face, they knew it could not have been a dragon.

Hagrid's face showed one of absolute shock and surprise, as if he had been killed suddenly from horror. Harry shivered and looked away. That was exactly how his parents' faces had looked when they were killed.

Hermione sputtered, "No dragon killed Hagrid. I've read all about dragons, and I know that if he had been burned, his beard would have been much more then singed! He would be a blackened skeleton."

"Well, maybe the fire burned his skeleton, but not his skin." Nicholai shrugged smugly. "You never know what kind of freakish creatures this halfbreed keeps around here."

"How dare you call him halfbreed!"

"Not only that, he was halfblood too." Nicholai snickered. "Halfbreed and halfblood. What fun." Then he sneered again, "But of course, this is all a pity. Now, we need to get going. Hitch up the brooms. We're going to walk the ten minutes and find the portkey to Diagon Alley I believe it is a beer bottle, is it not? Make sure to bring the floo powder so we can get to Romania through the floo fireplace network. Then we'll fly into the heart of Romania." Then Nicholai looked at his watch. "And the portkey is scheduled to go at nine o'clock. It's already after eight, so let's go."

"How could you kill him!" Ron cried. "What did he ever do to you?"

"What do you mean 'what did he ever do to you?'" Nicholai mimicked. "He kept you children's fortunes from me, that's what he did to me! I want those galleons in your vault! And besides, isn't it obvious I didn't do it? Look at the scorched beard and hair! Even his clothes are burned! I would think a logical chess freak like you would be able to recognize dragon marks when you see them."

"You murderer." Hermine gasped. "

Nicholai laughed, "You make it sound like such a bad thing."

"We're going to tell the ministry about you." Ron said.

"Yeah," Harry jeered. His green eyes filled with tears as he remembered Hagrid's kind eyes and laugh. "You are going to pay."

"No." Nicholai's eyes hardened and shone with a eery black light. "You are going to pay. You should have died long ago."

Ron and Hermione were taken aback by the look of loathing in Nicholai's eyes.

"It's your fault I'm like this." Nicholai said.

"Like what?" Ron asked, totally confused.

Nicholai just laughed. Then he whipped out his wand. "I will hurt you, Harry Potter. You know I will. This wand is just as eager to hurt you as I am. Sure, you and your accursed siblings maybe have stopped me when you were babies, but that was then, and this is now. I have regained my power."

Harry's anger almost left his as he stared at Nicholai. "What are you talking about?"

Nicholai's eyes flashed from Harry's lighening scar, to Hermione's and Ron's scars on their foreheads. "You don't know where you got those, do you?"

The siblings just stared at him.

He laughed again. "Now get the brooms. It's time to go."

The siblings simultaneously reached their hands into their own pockets, but Nicholai cried, "Expeliarmious!" And their three wand danced out of their hands and into Nicholai's left hand.

"Now, let's go."

It took the children a few minutes to gather up the four brooms that Harry had carefully bewitched for the journey. Then they walked out of the Reptile room, leaving the cages of reptiles, the books and dear Hagrid, still lying in the room.

They went to their rooms and got their bags. Then Nicholai marched them out the door and they began walking down the driveway, past the rows and statues of dragons, that had looked so frightening at first. Nicholai kept his own suitcase floating behind him.

The Potter siblings felt a deep sense of loss as they left the house. They knew they were leaving behind all those wonderful dragons that Hagrid had taken care of so selflessly and had loved each one. He had studied them, tamed them and cared for them, just as he had cared for the Potter siblings. Hagrid was a very loving halfgiant, and the children would always remember him.

And the children, as they walked down the driveway, began to wonder and to question. What was to happen to them? What would Nicholai do to them now? Why had he wanted to heartlessly slaughter Hagrid? What was so important about going to Romania with them? Would anybody help them, or would everybody disbelieve them and be as dim-witted and oblivious as usual? These were frightening questions, and the siblings were so focused on answering them that they didn't even look ahead of them and were shocked when Mr. Fudge suddenly apparated out of nowhere and they jumped about a foot when they heard his pop!

Nicholai cried out in surprise and in his shock he must have done some spell because his wand let off an explosion and sent sparks in all directions. Harry stumbled back into Hermione, who bumped into Ron and all three Potters landed in a heap.

"What in Godric's name are you doing here!"

Swearing by using a very respected man's name inappropriately name is very rude, but Nicholai was very, very shocked. And furious.

Mr. Fudge puffed up his chest, and after sneezing once or twice into a hankerchief, said, "You will not speak as such to the minister of magic."

"Fine." Nicholai snarled. Then he said very politely, "What in Salazar's name are you doing here?"

Mr. Fudge looked at him disgustedly.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Fudge?" Harry asked.

Mr. Fudge gestured to the three bags that were floating behind him. "I wanted to give you your clothes and few belongings. I could have just gotten a few owls to take them, but I wanted to meet you kids and see how you were doing with Hagrid."

Then Mr. Fudge looked around, "And where is Hagrid? And who is this strange man?"

"He's Voldemort." Harry spat. Everybody flinched at the sound of his name. Nicholai glared at Harry and raised his wand, about to do something dreadful, but then Mr. Fudge started laughing.

"Oh, that's a good one, my boy! But don't say his name! And besides, he's gone. He's a wreck of a wizard with no powers."

"I must object to that." Nicholai's eyes locked with Mr. Fudge. "Voldemort-" Everybody flinched again, "Maybe have been…slightly dimmed thirteen years ago, but he is certainly not incapable of coming back. I'm sure such an intelligent man as himself could find…ways of resotring himself."

Mr. Fudge stared at Nicholai, then laughed again. "Oh, don't be absurd. You-know-who is gone, gone, gone."

"But you put us in his care in the last book!" Ron objected.

"Don't be silly, that wasn't you-know-who! That was someone pretending to be him. The real you-know-who is definitely not back yet. The man I put you with last name called himself that because he wanted to sound important and powerful. He did turn out to be quite stand-offish, didn't he?" Mr. Fudge mused.

"He tried to marry me to get our fortune." Hermione said dryly.

"See, that is why he could not have been the real you-know-who. He was really you-know-who, he would have killed you one the spot to get revenge."

"Revenge on what?" Harry asked.

Mr. Fudge looked uncomfortable. "Maybe when you're older." He supplied.

The Potter siblings were furious. What was all this about Voldemort losing his power? Nicholai had spoke of it. And apparently Mr. Fudge didn't believe that the atrocious man they had lived with last was as evil as he really was. They need to convince Mr. Fudge that Nicholai was at least the fake Voldemort, even if they couldn't convince him that he was the evil wizard of thirteen years ago who apparently mr. Fudge believes to have been defeated.

Nicholai laughed. "Well, this is fun, isn't it? I am certainly not you-know-who, nor am I this previous gardeian who had stolen you-know-who's name."

"Actually," harry said tartily, "I don't know who. Could you please tell me his reall name because I don't know who this you-know-who is."

Mr. Fudge look disapprovingly at Harry.

"Don't be so rude, Mr. Potter."

"He is really quite a bright boy." Nicholai smiled. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, and Harry shivered.

"Who are you, really?" Mr. Fudge asked.

'But he-" Hermione began, but Nicholai interrupted, "I am really and truly Nicholai. I am- I mean I was Hagrid's assistant."

"What do you mean was?" Mr. Fudge wanted to know.

"There was a terribly horrible accident. Why, it's so dastardly that I can't help but smile." Nicholai sneered. "It seemed a dragon burned him. Don't question me though, I don't know anything about dragons. Now he's very dead."

"Oh this is horrible!" Mr. Fudge cried. "I would never expect this to happen to Hagrid. He wasn't the best student. Got expelled in his second year at Hogwarts because, well, he was taking care of a baby dragon secretly and it got out and killed a girl. Very sad. But he was just a poor kid, and Dumbledore, the headmaster, let him stay as gamekeeper, and then let him come out here and keep and train dragons. Very nice man. What a sad end."

"Why yes," Nicholai sneered. "I went to Hogwarts about the very same time as this Hagrid. The silly halfbreed couldn't keep his creatures under control. Such a pity. I was just taking the children to the ministry and have a member come and look at him. Probably one who knows about dangerous creatures."

"He wasn't taking us to the ministry!" Ron cried.

"The children are very upset and don't know what they're talking about." Nicholai shook his head sadly. "Why don't you go into the house, and I'll go with the children to the ministry?"

"Don't leave!" Hermione cried. "Mr. Fudge, he's going to take us-"

"Why don't we just contact the ministry with floo powder?" Mr. Fudge asked.

"His house is not connected to the network. It's too far away."

"Good thing I brought a mirror." Mr. Fudge said. He pulled a mirror out of his suitcase and opened it up.

"Mr. Fudge, don't!" Ron cried. "This Nicholai is really our previous guardian!"

"You mean the man who was pretending to be you-know-who. Don't be silly." Mr. Fudge said.

"It's true!" Hermione and harry said together.

"Do I look like this man?" Nicholai asked.

"Well, no." Mr. Fudge replied. "You have a beard, and you have no eyebrows at all."

"But he could have grown a beard and shaved the eyebrow!" Harry said.

"Look at his ankle!" Hermione cried.

Nicholai rolle his eyes. "If you insist. Which ankle."

"Left." Ron said trimuphnatly.

Nichlai pulled off his shoe and his sock, and there was his skin, shining in the morning light. But there was no tattoo on the ankle. The skin was perfectly smooth with no blemish.

REVIEWERS

John- I updated! Aren't you so happy? And now you've finished the Series of Unfortunate Events, so you understand the story better! Yeah!

Arkady Jeanette Pheonix- That's so funny! There's a girl named Snodgrass! Won't that be an awesome last name, though? We will eventually finish posting "insert clever and witty title here", but we're so laaaaaaazzzzy. And also, we're both writing other stories at the same time. I'm writing another Lemony Snicket story, which I want to finish before I post. You can type websites in reviews. Go ahead.

Visualpurple- Hey, S! I'm sooooooooooo excited about Star Wars! I can play the theme song on my clarineto, and I've been looking at all the internet previews and clips from the movie. So basically I've already seen the most dramatic scenes.

Queenofinsanity- Yes, I will post the Lemony Snicket's childhood story. But right now I've only written about 120 pages, and he's only seven years old! It's so much fun! I love having little Lemony and little Jacques. Hee hee. And little Olaf. And Beatrice!

EowynEvermore- I'm glad you liked the story. I am planning on doing the whole series, but me thinks that will take quite a long time, seeing as I'm still on book numero dos. (number two). I like Spanish. Anyway, if I stop being lazy, I hope to get through the whole series.

Tonkasean- I'm glad you liked my story. I will definitely be writing more. Here you go!

REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

"Well, that settles it," Mr. Fudge said. "You see—no dark mark on his left ankle. This man is not your previous guardian, and he is most definitely not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"Says you," Ron sputtered.

"He could easily be using a concealing charm!" Hermione cried.

"Oh, really," Mr. Fudge said. "You're being unreasonable, children. I'm not going to go charming perfectly honest-looking assistants just because you think they look familiar."

Nicholai's eyes widened when Mr. Fudge described him as "honest-looking" and after Mr. Fudge was done speaking he said, "Yes, children. You must be so tired and confused after the horrible death. How about I take them to a hospital to see if someone can come and pick up Hagrid?"

Mr. Fudge nodded sadly, then said, "Don't bother; I have a mirror. We can speak directly to the hospital."

"Please don't let us go with him, Mr. Fudge," Hermione cried.

"I'm not going anywhere with that horrible murderer!" Harry exclaimed.

"Ditto!" Ron said.

Mr. Fudge shook his head, and began walking toward the house. "Now children, let's come inside and I'll make you all a sleeping potion to help you relax. Nicholai and me will work this out."

"That's 'Nicholai and I'," Harry pointed out. Then he looked startled and smoothed his black hair which was sticking out, "Now why am I obsessed with grammar all of a sudden?"

"Teenage identity crisis?" Ron suggested.

"Plot purposes?" Hermione purposed.

"Stress," Mr. Fudge said firmly. "Now, we're almost to the house."

Suddenly, for the second time within the past ten minutes, someone appeared in the yard, almost bashing into Harry.

"What the-?" Harry cried.

It was a tall, stern-looking man with long brown, silky hair and a thin nose. The man's cold eyes and sneering mouth reminded the Potters of someone else, but they couldn't quite place him.

"I'm from the hospital. We heard there was a…." the man glanced toward Nicholai, then continued, "…mishap…with a…lizard?"

"Dragon," Mr. Fudge said.

"Close enough." The Hospital man smiled thinly. "Big, ugly, dangerous. Yeah, same diff. Anyway, can you show me the man?"

They were at the front door of Hagrid's house and Nicholai gave directions to the hospital man how to get to the dungeons and then followed Mr. Fudge, who was going into the kitchen.

"Now, while I'm making some calming potion, we have to decide what to do," Mr. Fudge said. "Nicholai, where did Hagrid keep the bat wings?"

"No idea."

"Third cupboard from the left," Hermione answered. "Under the powdered hens' teeth."

"Now," Nicholai began, "I really must insist on taking the children to Romania- uh, umm, the hospital. We have a portkey to catch- I mean, they look ill."

"Don't worry," Mr. Fudge said. "This potion should help just fine."

"But they are quite distressed about this murder," Nicholai argued.

"Murder?" Harry asked, pretending to look surprised. "Why, Nicholai, I didn't know this was a murder! I thought Hagrid was burned by a dragon! I thought it was an accident! Oh no! This means somebody is a murderer and-"

"I misspoke," Nicholai interrupted. "I sometimes make mistakes." Then he leaned toward Harry and whispered, "Not killing you the minute I saw you was another one of my mistakes."

"Of course you misspoke," Mr. Fudge said cheerfully. "But, since Hagrid seems to be out of every single ingredient except for rocks and anything to do with dragons, might I suggest that I take the children to the hospital? I can Apparate them right there and, with my being the minister of magic, nobody will ask any questions."

Nicholai glared at Fudge, as if he wanted to strike him dead with daggers from his eyes and said, "I would really, really like some time alone with the children. As soon as possible. I think I should Apparate. Being the minister, you should make sure that hospital guy gets Hagrid to Saint Mungo's."

Harry, Hermione and Ron looked at each other, displaying the kind of telepathy that three orphans can sometimes use. They knew that as soon as they were alone with "Nicholai" they would be whisked away via portkey and broom to Romania where he could kill them and steal all their galleons. Their best chance was to either be sent to the hospital with Mr. Fudge, preferably, or with the hospital man if necessary. Or better yet, they really should just stay home and not have to go to the hospital at all. They needed to find a way to send Nicholai to the hospital, and get Aurors to wait there for him and send him to Azkaban. But this would take an enormous amount of luck, so the children decided to work first on the carpooling aspect of it.

"We really would rather go with you, Mr. Fudge." Harry said. "If we have to go to the hospital at all."

"Awwww, you children are sweet. But why?" Mr. Fudge asked.

"Because…?" Harry glanced at Hermione.

"Because…we've always wanted to experience Side-Along Apparation," Hermione added. "It sounds so…?" She looked to Ron.

"Terrifying!" Ron exclaimed. But then he looked at Mr. Fudge and quickly added, "In a good way."

Just then the hospital man came back from the dungeon and announced, "I have concluded that it was definitely the work of a dangerous igunana-"

"Dragon," Nicholai said.

"Sorry, that's what I meant," The hospital man continued. "A dangerous, evil dragon. I have levitated Hagrid outside and will bring him with me back to the hospital."

"And we can go with him!" Harry said. "We don't need to take a Portkey to the hospital."

"Yes, you do," Nicholai said, through clenched teeth. "Side-Along Apparation is dangerous, children. I am only concerned for your safety."

"Yes," Mr. Fudge said. "Going with Mr.-," he turned to the man from the hospital. "I'm sorry, what is your name?"

"Uhhh. Dr. Remold Voltrod," The hospital man replied.

"Yes, well Dr. Voltrod….Volt-rod?...shouldn't take the children because it's enough work to take the body to the hospital. We can't expect him to also take three children," Mr. Fudge explained.

"Very wise, Mr. Fudge," Nicholai sneered. "I completely agree and-"

"So I should take them," Mr. Fudge finished.

"But-" Nicholai began.

"We can't go with him!" Harry cried. "Lord Voldemort's a murderer!"

Everyone but Nicholai gasped at that name and Mr. Fudge hissed, "Please, Harry, don't say that name! Why don't you kids go relax in another room? I only wish I could get the ingredients to make a sleeping potion."

"I'm sure I could…whip something up." Nicholai smiled fiercely, gazing at the children.

"That's okay," Hermione said hastily. "We were just going."

"We were?" Ron asked, as Hermione grabbed both boys by one arm each and dragged them out of the room. "Just tell us when you've decided who's taking who, and where!" Hermione cried to the three men.

"That's who's taking whom, Hermione," Harry corrected. "But I guess you're too busy to care about grammatical-correctness."

Hermione just rolled her eyes.

"Why did we leave, Hermione?" Ron asked. "We need to make sure You-Know-Who doesn't get us alone. Then we'll go to Romania with that Portkey."

"We couldn't solve anything arguing," Hermione replied, pursuing her lips and looking toward the door of the dungeon. "Arguing never solves anything."

"Yes it does," Both boys replied simultaneously.

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "No, we are going to have to get to work. Right now."

And with that, she led them back into the Dragon Dungeon.

REVIEWERS

tonkasean- I'm glad you liked my last chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

Queenofinsanity- Sorry it took so long! Thanks for being such a faithful reviewer for Alania's and my story. Makes me wonder if you even have a life….

Kelliedolarhyde- Well, here's the return of the Potter orphans. Thanks for commenting and reading, as always!

elvengirl9- You can't remember why he doesn't have a tattoo because I haven't written it yet! His reason is different than Count Olaf's reason. By the way, I love your penname.

Visualpurple- Call me anytime! I hope we can get together this Christmas Break. My family's going to see Narnia together. It came out yesterday. Yesterday was also a Snow Day. Hee hee. I love snow!

iluvwill16- I'm glad you think it's original, even though I don't think it's _that_ original since, after all, the plot is already pretty much made up. I just have to twist it a little bit.

AnGeloOfMErCeY94- Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad I finally got around to updating this story!

Harry-is-a-Prat- I have not seen the movie spaceballs, but my friend, Visualpurple (that's her pen name) told me about a lot of the funny parts, so I kind of copied it.

Carlotta's twin- I STILL haven't read the twelfth book because I'm getting it for Christmas! Ugh! I can't wait that long!

Radszilla- "incorporating"? I'm impressed. Usually reviewers use really short, tiny words like "lol" and "ur great". Thank you for taking the time to spell and use a nice vocabulary. Not that I don't like reviews with chat speak, because I'll take any reviews I can get, but I really appreciate it. This is the update you asked for.

PLEASE REVIEW MORE! I LOVE IDEAS AND OPINIONS!


	9. Chapter 9

EDITOR'S NOTE: I mentioned before that all three siblings had scars, but that was a mistake. Harry got his scar when he was young, but no one died in this incident. Then, after Hermione and Ron were born, their house and parents were destroyed in a fire, and they went to live with a terrible who claimed to be Lord Voldemort. They were taken away from him, and now they are living with the recently deceased Hagrid. Sorry for any confusion.

CHAPTER NINE

When Hermione opened the enormous door of the Dragon Dungeon, the dragons were still behind bars, the books were still on their shelves, and the morning sun was just creeping in through the small windows near the ceiling. But the place wasn't the same. Even though Dr. Voltrod had removed Hagrid's body, the Dragon Dungeon still had the sinister feeling that threatened to suffocate the children.

"This is an eerie, depressing place now," Ron mumbled. "It's, it's like…like someone just died in here!"

"You're right it does!" Harry exclaimed. "Because someone did just die!"

"Very true," Hermione said. "And we're going to find out how he died."

"Voldemort killed him." Harry said bitterly. The other two flinched.

"You know, Harry, you don't have to say his name all the time!" Hermione tutted. "Our parents never did!"

Harry scowled, then said, "Do you think he had something to do with my getting this lightening scar when I was little?"

"I doubt it," Ron said. "Mom said you got it in a car crash."

Hermione snorted. "You believe that rubbish? It was more than that! Mom and Dad said we were all lucky to have survived."

Harry sighed. "But they didn't survive. Well, maybe that accident. But then they died in the fire."

Ron looked angry. "If the car accident theory is rubbish, what do you have on your mind, oh magnificent witch of incredible power?"

Hermione looked thoughtful and said, "I have my theories." She looked off into the distance in a smug, thoughtful way that made Harry and Ron steam.

"Why are we here, again?" Harry asked.

Hermione snorted. Again. "Isn't it obvious!"

Ron muttered to Harry, "The more she snorts, the more incomprehensible her sentences get. Maybe the mystery is that when she was little, she was turned half-pig."

Harry snorted with laughter.

"Woah! You've got it too!" Ron cried, laughing.

"This is serious!" Hermione cried. "Do you want to go to Romania with You-Know-Who?"

The boys were quiet. They looked down at the ground, a little sheepishly.

"If we get him in Azkaban for murdering Hagrid, we'll be free of him. We just need to prove he did it." Hermione said, with the air of a parent lecturing her children. "I'll go upstairs and check in his bedroom. Maybe there's something there that will show how he killed Hagrid."

"He probably just used a killing curse." Ron shrugged. "That's what I would've done."

His two siblings stared at him, and he said defensively, "Not that I would, mind you!"

Hermione sighed. "Harry and Ron, you look in Hagrid's books for a spell that will show how a person died, or a way for detecting murders, or something!"

Harry looked cross. "Yeah, and while we're at it, we might as well make a spell that turns straw into gold!"

"Heck, let's just create a spell that shows a murder for who he is!" Ron said, with fake enthusiasm. "After all, Harry, we're teenagers!"

Harry continued, "And, after all, we don't need our _wands_ to perform a spell. Voldemort can just keep the blasted wands, we don't need 'em, right Ron? Or should I say, The Wonderful Wizard, Mr. Ronald Potter?"

"Why thank you, Mr. Harry Potter, we'll get working right away," Ron said, sarcastically.

"Oh, stop it, you too!" Hermione cried. "I'll get Mr. Fudge to make him give us back our wands. Here, Harry, you go up to You-Know-Who's room and I'll do the researching! I'm better at it anyway!"

"Yes, ma'am." Harry and Ron both muttered and Ron went off sulkily with Hermione to look through the books. Harry suddenly wished for a house elf or a chocolate frog card that would have the answers to everything. But no such luck.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Harry was sneaking back up to the kitchen, which was where Nicholai, Mr. Fudge and Dr. Voltrod had resumed their argument.

"I still say that I have a Portkey ready and waiting, but it is on a schedule!" Nicholai exclaimed.

"Why don't you take the body to the hospital with the Portkey?" Mr. Fudge asked. "The kids told me they really wanted to experience Apparation, and I would be happy to take them."

"So would I." Dr. Voltrod said. "But that still leaves the canoe."

"What canoe?" Nicholai snapped. "There is no canoe!"

Harry didn't have to listen long behind the door of the kitchen to realize that nothing was going to be solved for quite a while. He would have time to sneak up to Nicholai's room and look around. Creeping up the stairs, Harry reached Nicholai's room and opened the door. His scar began to prickle as he looked around the room. That was funny, it didn't usually bother him this much. He heard angry voices from the kitchen which sounded like the three wizards were really annoyed at each other.

The smell in the room was terrible. It was littered with empty Firewhiskey bottles and there were clothes all over the floor. Then he saw the heavy suitcase that he had helped bring up to Nicholai's room the first fateful day he had arrived. Harry snatched it and desperately wished he had his wand; it would be easy to open it with a wand. Maybe if he… Harry looked around desperately at some of the bubbling potions, and decided he might as well try one of those. Maybe… just maybe… He crossed to look at the four different bubbling cauldrons and saw that in front of two were books that were open to a page. Harry grinned happily. Now he would know what the potions were. The first was an emerald green potion which was sizzling and looked pretty nasty. There was no book in front of it, but there was a piece of parchment with some scribbled notes and a pen which was standing upright on the paper, ready to be dictated to.

Harry couldn't help himself. He said, quite clearly, "Voldemort is a pin-headed old fool. Lots of love, Harry Potter. AKA, the Boy Who Lived." The pen quickly scribbled his words onto the parchment. Harry hoped Voldemort could read that before he went to jail. The green potion looked acidic, but he had no idea what it would do, so he left it alone. The next potion was bubbling and looked sickly brown. The book labeled it as 'The Draught of the Living Dead". _Never heard of it_, thought Harry_. Doesn't sound important, or useful_. He skimmed the ingredients. "Wormwood, Asphodel, Sopophorus Bean and Valerian Roots". _Hmmmm… Nah..._

The next potion was labeled, by the book "Exploding Potion". Harry perked up. It was made of Erumpent fluid and made things explode! Harry took a stirring spoon and carefully dipped into the potion. It sparked and bubbled fiercely, but then calmed as the spoon was removed, with a bit of the bright yellow liquid. Harry carefully carried it over to the suitcase, and spelled the tiny bit onto the top of the suitcase. Then he dropped the spoon and ran for cover, but not quick enough. With a huge BANG the suitcase exploded, sending shards of the suitcase flying at Harry, who couldn't help but think what a bad idea this was.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ron and Hermione were bickering.

"I can't find anything about revealing murderers!" Ron whined. He was leafing through a huge, old brown book and looking bored. He stretched in his sofa and sighed.

Hermione was curled in a small armchair, looking slightly cat-like. "Well, if you're going to read books like _Magical Water Plants of the Mediterranean_, you're not going to find anything useful."

Ron looked at the cover of his book, and sniffed, "I was so bored I didn't even read the cover. What a long, boring title for a long, boring book."

Suddenly, Hermione screamed. "I've got it!" She cried. "It's right here! Oh, wonderful! It's perfect."

Ron looked up and saw she was reading _Where There's a Wand, There's a Way_. He snorted. "Feel like sharing?"

Hermione looked smug and said, "_Prior Incantato_. From the Latin "priori prius," meaning "former, prior" and an adaptation of the English word "incantation." When cast, this spell causes a wand to create an echo or ghostly image of the last spell it performed.

Ron looked a little stupefied. "Uhhh, how does that help?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We get our wands back, perform this, and a ghost of the killing curse should come out of You-Know-Who's wand! Bingo!"

Ron looked puzzled, "Bingo?"

Suddenly, the two Potters heard voices. The three men were coming down the stairs, and it was obvious that they had reached a decision about transport. Then they heard Nicolai say, "This will work perfectly, I guarantee it." And they knew that everything was about to go horribly wrong.

REVIEW!

REVIEWER NOTES

xxmidnightxxmoonxx- There, I updated. Please don't hit anybody or become violent

AmberStarGurl- Harry Potter and Lemony Snicket are two of my favorite books as well

Ratti- I'm so glad you're a trekkie too! What is your favorite series? Original? Next Generation? I like original best, because who could beat Spock, McCoy and Kirk together? They're the Golden Trio.

luthien-yavetil- I'm glad to see that you're a Lemony Snicket fan. And also a tolkien fan, by the look of your name. Luthien? As in the most beautiful elf to ever live? I love Lord of the Rings! Thanks for reviewing!

Elle- I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reviewing!

visualpurple- Hey purpie! I finally posted! Aren't you proud?

Joe James- I don't know if they're the best orphan series. What about Frodo the orphan? Or Luke Skywalker the orphan? Pretty much all adventure stories start with orphans who are living with relatives. Spider-man, Superman, etc. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though.

Queenofinsanity I haven't forgotten this. Not really. And I am continuing.

PLEASE REVIEW!


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